I was feeling an intense call to recalibrate after Thanksgiving weekend. Emotionally it caught me off-guard, the holiday was like a minefield of unhappy memories. As I recovered in the following days something deep had shifted and worked through me, and I was starting to have the sense that big changes were on the horizon. I had already decided to shift the frequency of Restorative Reiki and skip December’s group. And I had a sudden and explicable slowdown in sessions throughout that month that gave me plenty of time to lean into rest.
During my planned week off between Christmas and New Years I felt drawn to go even deeper— To start to think outside the box I had created for my life (work and personal) and consider where I wanted to focus my energy in the upcoming year. There was a persistent message that I wasn’t done with this “slowdown,” that I needed respite from the usual routine to actually think differently.
In spite of all that I say and believe about following your intuition, I can still be stubborn! I said to myself “but I’ve got a bunch of stuff planned for January, including this past life group I literally spend 6 months preparing for, so I can’t stay here in this cocoon.” I’ll point out that no one was signed up yet 😅, but I was attached to a certain idea of how it was all supposed to play out. It’s my defensive response to fear, to stay busy and keep moving. I’m still learning how to give myself permission to rest.
My schedule continued to slow to a crawl. I was able to start some projects I had been thinking about for years but never “had time.” I forced myself not to get completely sucked into them, to let these new ideas breathe. “Let it be fun.”
I started to gain more clarity on where I wanted to focus my energy, and forced myself not to rush things. I realized I needed to dramatically simplify my focus— I needed to identify what is the central theme of my work and how I most love to work. I realized I needed to prioritize more space in my life for the joy, pleasure, and reciprocity I had lost touch with for so many years: time for my physical health, having fun, experiencing art and live music, conversations over coffee, connecting with my local community garden, and plenty of space for my spiritual practice. And some time leftover to be unproductive, just living and being.
Is such a life possible?
I’ve been quiet over here, as I put the pieces into place. I’m simplifying and closing out some offerings that are ready for a pause. Coaching sessions as they were are being reformed as a more structured offering. Some of the individual sessions will be rolled together, renamed, or retired to keep things more simple to navigate— and focused. I’ll be working hard to bring some groups in-person in some new spaces (goddess willing!).
And with a bit of grief I will be retiring Breathwork groups and individual sessions. I love Breathwork, I still practice it personally, but it’s not where I want to focus professionally. So I’m offering one more Breathwork group on February 26 as a goodbye and close out! I’m psyched about the playlist, it’s a Deep Winter Reset, a faster paced, 1 hour 15 min group intended to shake out the cobwebs and hit the restart button. If you’ve come to Breathwork in the past, I welcome you back for this last one! If you’ve never come but thought about it, I invite you to try it out 😏
It will be recorded for your future use or if you can’t attend live…
I wrote an essay last year called “you have permission to change your mind,” and it was an acknowledgement that I was in the process of phasing out my psychotherapy practice. I had some anxiety about sending it, because there’s a lot of stigma about those who choose to leave the field. It seems that if you’re a psychotherapist that leaves the field, people either think you’ve sold out or lost your mind.
I also wanted to impart upon all my current and past clients that my door would remain open to them; that I was closing my practice to new clients but I was not closing the door on them. It has been a years long process because I didn’t not want to hurry anyone along. But I also partly told myself that this was a technicality, that I was more or less doing the same work, just focusing on different modalities.
I think I needed to believe that because I was still really uncomfortable with such a big change. I needed to believe that I was mostly the same person even if I was working differently.
But the truth is that doing this type of high-depth energetic work, prioritizing the time to practice diligently, consistently, and hone my trust in using my intuitive skills…actually has changed me in a fundamental way. Altered states of consciousness do that. It’s why we’re now seeing all this research confirming the indigenous wisdom of using psychedelics and plant medicine for healing. There are also more subtle plant medicines that do this over a longer scale of time (such as microdosing or flower essences). We can do it through trance and meditation too. But the result is the same: you start to break down the ideas of who you think you are and open up to new possibilities of who you can be.
So I’m here to say that you (I, we) have permission to change your mind again. And again. That it can keep changing.
Not all changes need to be announced, but some do, because that’s a part of stepping into a new story. This is where I’m placing my focus now. And maybe (probably) that will change again, because flow is about change. Allowing yourself to keep changing. Discerning between taking yourself too seriously and not seriously enough.
When I was a teen I remember excitedly telling my mom my latest idea for what I wanted to do/study in college/ be “when I grow up.” And she said “You change your mind every week, how can I take this seriously? You need to make up your mind.” In hindsight I realize this cut deep for me, it became fused with all the ways I felt unseen and uncared for at that time in my life. For people to take me seriously I needed to be relentlessly driven, focused, singular in my passions and interests. I didn’t exactly do that, but I did make sure to keep my exploring within a certain structure that demonstrated that I was a serious person. I wanted to prove that I was worth something, going places, not to be dismissed or cast aside.
Maybe you can relate?
So on the one hand I find myself honing in my focus and simplifying, but I’m also trying to do so with flexibility, playfulness, and curiosity.
What are some of the pivot points in your life where you changed your mind in a big way?
What was the catalyst for them?
Were there incremental changes or whole scale shifts?
Are there adjustments that you know in your heart, you need to make now?
Where in your life have you forgotten how to play? Where have you remembered how to play?
The inner child in me wants to reach out to the inner child in you, and ask you to remember how your mind could change before you felt like you had something the prove. To remember the fullness of loving so many things, the possibility of so many paths. And to remember that those paths are not wholly unreachable, if you’re willing to change your mind (again).
Inward Vision 