On Tuesday March 19 at 11:06pm EDT we reach the exact midpoint between the solstices, with equal hours of day and night. As we cross this invisible threshold we begin an acceleration towards the height of summer. As with the solstices, often our bodies hold the echo of this marker in time, feeling its effects for days of weeks before and after. Much like the moon cycles, the energy of the seasons is always in motion. That point of suspension lasts a single day, but it’s really mere moments.
In a recent Breathwork group, we collectively held our breath before moving towards rest. In spite of attending untold number of groups, taking facilitator training myself, and practicing solo over some years now, I had never done it in this style of Breathwork. We held our breath for some time, which wasn’t difficult to do because we had been breathing very deeply for 20 mins. As I retained my breath I felt a sensation building in my upper abdomen above my navel. A warmth and tingling spreading out from a central point and filling my whole abdomen and chest. A vibration of energy that gently spread out through my body when I finally exhaled. The subsequent rest period felt much more active than the “active” breathing had, my mind a flow of thoughts and ideas without temptation to grasp at them.
This theme has been emerging repeatedly over the last 5 or 6 months. In a phrase, learning to “let it build.” Noticing the instinct to relieve tension immediately, and slowing down enough to fully examine what is building. I’m not talking about being tough or “white knuckling,” but having an intimacy with yourself that allows for dialogue when you are craving an escape.
The upper abdomen is the location of the Manipura chakra, also known as the solar plexus or navel chakra. Associated with our sense of confidence and self-esteem, our “gut feelings” and our ego, and the element of fire, it is said that one can generate heat from this energy center— it is a power center, where we regulate metabolism and blood sugar as well as digestion. It is interesting to note that like the root and crown chakras, it is one of the three energy centers that are not considered to be a “sacred portal” to wisdom and the divine. You could say they are more personal to us, a place when we generate energy as a resource within. How we direct that energy depends a lot on the state of our system as a whole.
In my creative practice I have been contemplating this idea of letting the energy build, that sometimes expressing the idea tangibly releases the energy prematurely. It tends to take the form of the ego in that moment (not always a bad thing, but an unconscious shaping). I have been holding onto ideas for a long time, sometimes even resisting the urge to write it down. When an idea emerges more than once or twice, it starts to generate a living quality. Or maybe it’s like building a fire, and how it is sometimes possible to build a roaring fire where most of the heat is directed outward, but you have to feed it frequently it or it burns itself out. Which is sometimes what you want. And other times you want to building a strong core or base that can emit a consistent flow of heat with less maintenance (and risk of burning your house down while you’re not watching).
Another example, comes in the form of high highs and low lows after facilitating energy groups. I experience quality of being completely in sync with the environment, riding a cosmic current of connection, humming with the frequency of Love— alive, free, and hopeful. For a moment I am weightless, held in a moment suspended from all the material matters, I have clarity and an ability to hold it all, the good, the bad, and the terrible. There is the potential for new ways of thinking and being. I can feel a path forward, even as I may struggle to see it.
Then, back to ordinary reality. The next day I’m gathering food off of shelves in a store, plastic waste gathering in yet more plastic bags and shipped off to somewhere else and reingesting the particles in my tap water, feeling the weight of wars and death in Palestine, Congo, Sudan, Ukraine, violence in my own city and country, politics and polarization, advertisements for pharmaceuticals during my attempt to escape in a fictional tv show, unanswered emails and texts, climate collapse and mass extinction, missed opportunities and fomo… an existential depression settles in. It all feels impossible, insurmountable. This “day after” is so common I’ve come to expect it, yes it’s also like this. There’s a clearing, or maybe a withdrawal.
Sometimes in the exhale we feel it differently, the moment of suspension disrupts our balance and offers an opportunity to find it again. We might notice where the tension lives within us, we can choose to face it or turn away. We contemplate the balance between not turning away, and becoming buried beneath the weight of it.
At this time of year we are shifting from air to fire, from east to south, from the last pangs of winter into spring. The shift has been occurring slowly and is starting to be felt, and as we cross over that feeling accelerates in a more palpable way.
The Equinox offers a symbolic state of suspension, held in perfect balance for a fleeting time and offering a doorway towards the void, the spaces between, the realm of dreams, and a window between the future and the past.
Balance is an act of transferring weight, pressure, presence from one “side” to another. It is found through flexibility, rather than a lack of motion. It is a dynamic movement that keeps returning to a state of suspension. This moment before the acceleration can be a place to retain the tension for just a little longer, allowing the release to be more complete, conscious, and directed. What do you want your own fire to do, does it wish to burn bright and quick, low and slow, or something in between?
Tangible ways to work with these themes could be:
- -Polarity Drawings (dividing the paper in half and representing opposite themes or ideas)
- -Working with the breath using somatic exploration between “sides” of the body, transferring energy across the landscape of soma to retain and release
- -Reflecting on the first three months of the year and adjusting course as you look forward to the next three months
- -Opening and closing your eyes at regular intervals during your meditation practice, noticing the shifts in awareness as the light becomes brighter and dimmer
- -Alternate nostril breathing
- -Lying on the floor and rolling from the front body to the back body (this is actually one of my favorite exercises for relieving anxiety, bonus points if you can roll down a grassy hill)
I could go on, but I recommend becoming curious about some practices of your own that work with the themes you are navigating now.
What rituals of your own creation can symbolize the changes or balance you seek?
Inward Vision 